enlistment!

now is 2nd Aug, monday time is 7:42am

i'm enlisting today! yeah! i am looking forward to this day as i won't have to think more about my family matters but focus in my army... what a relief...

of cause i will still miss my bed but it's alright cause everywhere is my bed and every is my home now. i don't really think i will miss my home i will sleep well there and is VERY well, won't face super despo for pocket money.

I, Teo Swee Koon, IC no. S9015432Z, Hereby declare that i will be independent and will succeed in my business and army! did a little prayer just now, God really comfort me, give me peace=)

thank God!

thank God our relationship is saved and i will always remember NV let my BABY wait for 2HOURS -_-" ha ha! i need to prepare soon, checking in my so called hotel for the next few weeks at 10:45am. well, although we didn't spent much time but all the time we spent is quality time so i don't think we never had enough time but i think spending a min with you is good enough at least i know you are still there with me...

alright! time to prepare for ARMY! i will miss my baby! remember to help me place my office heros in my iphone! ha ha! i don't want lose to my brother! ha ha! enjoy my iphone while i suffer inside k? hope my iphone won't let you feel bored =) just like me won't make you feel bored! ha ha! got iphone = to got me! hee hee! i will miss you! thanks for the beanies! i will wear with pride! lols!

bye bye baby! (3B's)

Shaloms

kite session

Yesterday is a wow time, i enjoyed a lot and its a unforgettable day. i bought a kite at $8.50, and it flew up so high compare to the another kite that cost me $3.50. Although i'm very poor, but i still want to buy a kite even it cost me 15 bucks! Cause if it can save our relationship, what is a 15 bucks compare to a broken relationship?

yesterday she asked me, why i out of a sudden want to have a patch, and i said "no reason, and if there is a reason the reason would be i love you". i remember that time i had my bible study with one of the pastor, or is it i doing my quiet time? forgotten, but it said about recover lost relationship. saying about recovering lost relationship, it's hard to reconcile a lost relationship then maintain a relation. why? one the lost relationship is lost, there will be a scar mark and a phobia will last very long!

actually both have it own difficulty, it takes oneself maturity to handle. i won't say i'm mature enough but i know i have a great responsibility towards any relationship.(e.g friends or love one)

my re-solution for next year or even next next year will be maintain a healthy relationship and i can tell you loudly! I CAN!

time really fly by quick, going to enlist tml morning! time to lost my freedom and a singaporean -_-" but well, it's a stage of life, have to go through it! but to think of it, i don't have a place where i can find a definition of where i belong. if you say emerald condo is where i stay i will say yes i stayed there but there is a place for me to sleep only no warmth of love or even just slightest concern. the time is coming, i soon will move out and buy my own apartment, own car n own savings. i will MIA from my family or so called family...

that's my aim for the next 1 or 2 years.

shaloms

Day 3

right now is July 30, it's a friday and time is 9:05PM.

morning went to Zhi gang place for a shave to my hair and it's totally cool! no matter how good the shaver it will still take up to half an hour to cut my hair or you can say shave!

well... my hair grow damn fast so i have no worry on how will i look like after the shave, but good news! zhi gang say i'm ok with the shave, no big difference. feel so weird with a light head, but now the weather is cool, i get headache easily don't know is it a fever or what just very pain. i think the side effect is back to visit me again. right now, i'm thinking of her now and then. wondering what is she doing? how is she? can she cope with her school work?

i find that i'm much worried about her when she never tells me anything, i start to compare days with her and without her. i can conclude that, there is a difference and i find out that is not those big changes that effect me but her small little act of concern and love that matters to me most. i just want to see her again...

shaloms

Day 2

it's 30th of july , friday, 7:50 AM

from that day we broke off till today, i been sleeping at 3 AM. been thinking whether have i make the wrong choice again. i made a wrong choice 5 years back but i know she isn't the one cause after we broke off i did a lot stupid and foolish things just to gain some attention from others and her. As time goes by, this so called love became hatred, this hatred that stuck in my heart for so long that i can't even remember. However, i remember she told me "i'm sorry that i did this to you and just forget me" then me, having my out of controlled mind and emotion i told her "is this sincerely from you? because i going to make you back pay 3 times more of this pain!".

today even though we are church mates, i learn a very impactful lesson from that experience. I always going around telling people i been loving her for like 3 to 4 years? i re-think what i have said should be i been hating her for like 3 to 4 years. Just because i want to let her pay back what she owns to me. thank you Lord for this event didn't happen in my life, cause if this happen, a lot more problem might arise and more sadness.

how do i find this out? because this time i really in love with another person, who every time say herself "i'm not pretty, my body figure is not what is use to be or i had bad face". We been together for 2 years plus. when we celebrating our 1 year, she asked me a qns "are you tired of me?" i told her "no, i'm not tired at you at all". After that year, she keep pounding me qns that related to break. I start to doubt and ask myself "why is she asking this qns? so i start a relationship with her is just for fun?"

i think it's useless to say or share how much we been through, cause the only person reading is me now maybe she?

love song

you have a pig face

you have fat face

give me a chance to see

that you really have fat face

Still remember this song? i name it our love song! ha ha!

till now, i won't hide the fact that i love her and i really do! she always wonder if her house thingy will come true. my own words, yes it definitely WILL! i going to say MARRY ME at esplanade. i want to have a house share with you i wan to have a dog and take care of it with you. i got so much things that i want to do with you. and i called this, my true love plan!

shalom

Karlson

relationship with a kite

it's thurday, 9:56pm, 26 july

today is a normal day, thought that i could have gone out with friends but i found out that my circle of friends is just like this. close friend, yes i have, 2 of my best buddy! but if you said true friend other then my 2 buddy... i don't have any... its very sad as i compare to last time in my secondary school years or even in ITE, those friendship that hardly can be lost when we gather together!

Anyway, thats not the point that i blog in today and now. At around 7:15pm, it's dinner time so i went in the kitchen to hunt for food! but as i expected, NOTHING! that's my home. Been thinking if i eat instant noodle for 3 meals, will i get gall stones? so i took the shuttle bus down to northpoint to have my dinner. As i walk around northpoint, my mind went blank out of the sudden, don't know what should i eat... so i think back and i finally know why she is so angry cause just now when i'm at northpoint, i suddenly turn angry cause i can't decide what to eat!

i'm a person that easily content with my food, anything that can be eaten and fill the stomach i will just eat it. but just now, i find no food even there is a lot of stalls around me. Find no joy of eating happily, still i seat at subway and have their turkey breast sandwich then out of the sudden, i order a foot long thinking she will be there to share with me, but as i happily pay i find no one eating with me. i very miss the time we have no money but eating very happily.

i do not have a loving family, when i started off with her because she is a person that willing to love me more & more, then i remember i use to pray that "for a person that will whole heartedly love me and take care of me". i finally found one, but i don't think the time is right, but i want to spent my last week with her flying kite, why? As i think, our life is like a kite, as we flew upwards God is consistently pulling us back so that we can fly higher in the sky and further! as you know, flying a kite is hard from at the start cause have to find the wind direction and have to maintain a consistent flow of movement. In a relationship, is like a kite too as we can't pull too tight to your another half cause if it's too stiff the kite will fall, if it's too lose it will fly away. at the same time we have to wait for the wind to come as it comes and time is right, it will fly even higher then we expected.

A beautiful hope A beautiful start

Regards

Karlson

Day 1

Morning to everyone who pop by and read my blog, but i guess there isn't anyone that will do that. yesterday, Went to Play bowling and i find out that the bowling all in singapore and malaysia is totally different! in malaysia i can easily hit down 6 to 7 pin in the first bowl but in singapore... i got ZERO! but it's alright, it's about the time we brother & sister spend together and i always love fellowship! (i want more!)

After bowling, We had our dinner at suki sushi! (thank you to zhi gang!) we had dinner and sharing over there. another enjoying moment that i love the most! then we proceed to KBOX to have over singing session over there. i didn't sing much as i know my voice is like a horse! nothing nice will come out? but i still believe one day i will sing real well! (in my own mini world!) Thank God for such a wonderful moment and time that i can spend with my brother & sister. Next there is still 3 more days before i enlist. so will play hard! and rest as i need to take care of my body too! =)

Yesterday, another sad but happy to know, i finally said that i want to break up with her. from the start i didn't really want to say everyone wants me dead. i think, at that point i have lose control of my thoughts and emotion, as this is too similar to what happen few years back before i started off with my current Ex. So i pray to God all the time, saying that please Lord, let me have a brave heart to tell her what i really feel inside me. but a lot of people know that i'm not good at expressing myself to people. whatever it is, i have said that and we broke off this time for real. i just want to focus on my career first, don't think i will want to start a relationship for now cause it took me so much energy.

Yesterday i said a short nor long message saying that we have hope if we do it right, right time and God allow... i heard this somewhere before and i still remember till today. Only time can be our witness, and of cause time also can tell a lot in a person. i don't really know how to bring out my thoughts and feeling in this blog but i have try my very best to express it, here is a place where i can express my anger and my sadness.(of cause there is happiness too)

its morning, 29 july, 7:58am & it's a thurday

shaloms

Karlson